Once upon a time I used to call the rolling hills of Northumberland and cultural melting pot of Newcastle home but I decamped to That London for reasons not yet understood.

Years later sitting an opulent VIP room of a Smog based disco tunnel I decided I needed a hobby rather than staring at people. Victorian inventor, Britain’s foremost Fast and the Furious erotic fan fiction writer and Space Janitor all rolled around my head until the epiphany. Pushing the Kengsington-esque comatose off my lap I stood up and shouted “Wine form parsnips”

Two weeks later here I am boring you with talk of exotic wines and imbibes simply because friends and Ms Gazette have stopped listening, “that’s nice dear…”

Sit back, pour yourself an extravagant glass of dandelion champagne and read The Gazette.